everyone is single if you try hard enough
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize