Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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