And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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