from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
