well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
