i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
