he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
