And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
