I think my fart just growled at me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
