oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
