we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
