just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
