This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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