So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
