i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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