so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize