I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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