his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
