I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
