Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
