apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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