If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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