Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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