Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
