I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
