ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
