drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
