she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
