Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
