If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
