It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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