i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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