I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize