I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
