the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
