I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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