the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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