Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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