You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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