Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
