No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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