I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
