Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
