Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
