I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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