i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I fill condoms, not promises.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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