I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
