i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
