I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize