Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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