I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
