tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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