I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
