Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
