Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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