Nicole vs. Life
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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