Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
