i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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