how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize