I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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