Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
