Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
