none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
