Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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