a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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