There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
