Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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