I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
