i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
