i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
