I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize