M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
