she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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