it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
