ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
