You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
