dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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