1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
