Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
