whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
