Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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