she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize