it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
