i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
