god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
